Selfishness and expectations

I think a lot of people say what they say about asexuals because they are uneducated on the topic. They may mean well a lot of the time. However, I don’t think they always mean well.

I don’t like saying bad things about my relatives, but I feel the need to when it comes to their expectations of me. I am perfectly happy being single. I don’t want a relationship and I don’t ever want kids. If I had those things, I’d be unhappy about it, in fact. I’ve been called “selfish” because of this, though, and that strikes me as insane. How is it selfish for me to NOT be in a relationship with someone I don’t want to be in a relationship with? Certainly, that person could be in a more fulfilling relationship if both parties wanted the relationship. Same with kids. It would seem very irresponsible of me to bring unwanted children into the world.

I interpret these comments as my parents/relatives feeling embarrassed that I do not live up to their expectations, and that I don’t want the same things in life that they do. They think that I am somehow defective, and they wish they could brag about me and my “normal” life with 2.5 kids and a dog (I have a dog, though!). To me, they are the selfish ones. And I’m not paranoid, either. My mother has actually told me that I’m basically an embarrassment for not being “normal.” She wants grandchildren, and I’m just not the person to give her any. I think that on some level, she just can’t accept that I really and truly don’t want marriage/kids, and somehow, I am doing all this to upset her. It sounds ridiculous, but I think it might actually be true. Being asexual is not a rebellious phase for me. Even before I knew the word, I knew I didn’t want kids, and I didn’t like the idea of being romantically involved with anyone. I think it’s just very difficult for some people to accept that.

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