No, I'm not damaged.

I’m not damaged, but I would be if I felt I had to fit the norm of being in relationships. In the past, I’ve heard strange things people had said about me to other people, mythologizing me in a way and making unfounded claims of psychological trauma. Sorry, but things are not so dramatic. I am not traumatized by sex, I just prefer not to have it anymore. I’m happier without it.

For a long time, I, too, was convinced I was damaged in some way. I didn’t think asexuality was an option unless you were an amoeba. I thought there was something wrong with me, or that I was overly critical of everyone. There were guys I thought were fairly cool, or good looking, or nice, sure. If I ended up in a relationship with one, though, I’d find myself mentally critiquing him, and “sexy” things just didn’t turn me on. I hated kissing. I hated even the idea of going on dates. There were guys I liked in a way, but when it came right down to it, I was not sexually or romantically attracted to them in the way that other people are attracted to other people.

For a while, I considered the possibility of me being gay. After all, my relatives think I am, since I’m not married and don’t have kids. But I’m not attracted to women, either, so I can’t be a lesbian. So I assumed I was heterosexual, since I thought the only choices were gay/straight/bi.

While I don’t normally like labels, I found the labels of asexual/aromantic to be very liberating for me. Suddenly, the way I felt made sense and was not pathological anymore. It’s not a problem; it’s just how I am.

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