One thing I hate is being treated as mentally defective. I always got good grades and was considered the “smart one” in my family, so this wasn’t usually a big problem. At least, not unless someone is talking about sexuality.
It took me time to realize this, but I’m not socially deficient. Relatives call me “backwards” and this makes me want to punch them in the face. They mean I must be socially awkward, or I’d be married with 2.5 kids by now. Throughout college i tested myself, went to parties, hung out, went to bars. I function just as well as everybody in these situations. I could enjoy myself and have fun conversations, and so on. Nothing was wrong. Im sick of people assuming something is wrong because I don’t want a boyfriend. They assume the reason for me not having a boyfriend is that I can’t get one, rather than that I don’t want one.
I’ve told people this and they get all sorts of uncomfortable. When I was younger, some would say things about me and insult my supposed inability to get a boyfriend. When i did get a boyfriend (and we stayed together for 5 years), then they said other things. They told me I would change my mind about not wanting to get married or have kids. They said Id eventually develop romantic feelings. i never did. I still felt like he was my platonic friend, even though I had sex with him. Then people assumed I was gay.
But why do they care? I understand it’s something about the status quo. People want to fit in and want everybody else to fit in, and when they don’t, they question their motives. I’m not asexual to piss anybody off, I’m asexual and aromantic because that’s just how I am. People suggest I should just fake it and live a lie, but that strikes me as rather cruel to any potential partner (assuming that partner was sexual/romantic).
I watched South Park last night. Stan turned 10 and suddenly pop music sounded “like shit” to him, as well as popular movies and so on. This reminded me of myself in a way. Other people see romance and relationships as some of the best stuff in life. That one penis-pump commercial calls sex “the best part of life,” and they aren’t just talking about the sex act, but the emotional part and attraction to ones partner. Most people relate to that, but I think it all sounds sort of shitty, and that’s why it holds no interest.
There is just some very basic misunderstanding when people try to tell me I’m wrong about my asexuality, and that is what irks me. I also REALLY hate the gender based assumptions that, because I am female, I MUST want babies, marriage, and romance.
This week I have relatives in town, and so many of them seem so worried about other people’s sex lives. It’s interesting to me that the kids in my generation of my family are unmarried without children. I’m not saying that they will stay that way, just that our priorities seem different.